Friday, June 29, 2018

Chữa bài writing


Public transport could be made free of charge. Are there some advantages or disadvantage to this charge?

In recent times, public means of transport have attracted the general public attention. While some people claim that there are many benefits gained from the trend that the government should free of charge for public transportation, there are also many people who firmly believe that its disadvantages should not be ignored. After through consideration for my part, its cons could never over shadow its pros. This essay will elaborate both benefits and drawbacks of this trend.
On the one hand, there are several benefits gained from the trend that when people travel by public means of transport, they should be free. Firstly, as we know, today, the society is becoming more and more modern. In almost big cities, people always suffer from traffic congestion at rush hours. Thus, it is necessary for them to go to by public transport. It can be understood that means of transport such as train, bus…play as important role in reducing this problems. Moreover, using public transport often waste more time than traveling by own vehicles. People have a tendency to like going everywhere by their means of transport. Importantly, traffic infrastructure as well as public vehicles make traffic participants feel uncomfortable, exhausted, even scare… because they are often dirty and dense. Evidently, if people have conditions, they will choose their own vehicles. So from my point of views, the government should not charge public transport which encourage their inhabitants to travel by communal transport. Especially, this leads to reduce environmental pollutants.
On the other hand, on top of the important advantages of this part, its disadvantages should not be underestimated. At first, when all communal means of transport are fee, where to pay for employees? They also need money to looking after their family as well as themselves. Obviously, this problem put pressure on the government. But they have to invest a huge number of time and money in solving a lot of things. They cannot afford to pay a large amount of money for this. And they will have trouble in dealing with many issues. Evenly, the can be easily buried in debts. In addition , because of free, many people tend to be not responsible for presering vehicles which they travel by.
All in all, from that has been discussed above, there are both benefits and drawbacks of this trend. Its disadvantages should be well taken into account. Furthermore, governments should take advantage of pros and minimize the cons this trend.
Comments
Tạo vocabulary cho keywords
Public transport= communal transport= public transportations = public means/vehicles of transport/transportation
Made free of charge= be free = be at no cost= be at no charge= without payment= no fares charged/required
(cùng nét nghĩa: sufficient revenue, pay salary, needed funds)
Free public transport=
Governments= the government|central|national|governmental administration|authorities|leaders|officials

Introduction
1.      In recent times, public means of transport have attracted the general public attention.
>> ko rõ ràng: cần nói rõ “free” thì mới “attract the attention”, chỉ “means of transport” chưa đủ “attract”
>> câu 1 nên paraphrase lại topic
>> Gợi ý: In recent times, allowing public means of transport free of charge have attracted the general public attention.
2.      While some people claim that there are many benefits gained from the trend that the government should free of charge for public transportation, there are also many people who firmly believe that its disadvantages should not be ignored.
>> rườm rà vì dùng 2 lần “there are”, 2 lần mệnh đề “that”, “some people” mệnh đề 1 không tương đồng với “there are” mệnh đề 2.
>> Gợi ý ” While many benefits can be gained from this trend/policy, some people firmly believe that its disadvantages should not be ignored.”
3.      After through consideration for my part, its cons could never over shadow its pros.
>> thorough/careful consideration, không dùng “never” hay “always” trong viết, “its” không rõ ràng, cần nhắc lại “free transportation”
>> Gợi ý: After my thorough consideration, the pros of free communal transportation outweigh the cons.
4.      This essay will elaborate both benefits and drawbacks of this trend
>> lặp lại “this”, không rõ ràng “this trend” vì đây đang câu 4, trong khi “trend” e ghi ở câu 2. “this” hay “its” chỉ link với câu liền kề ngay trước (câu 3) chứ không link cách 1 câu.
>> Gợi ý: In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my point of views.
Introduction:
In recent times, allowing public means of transport free of charge have attracted the general public attention. While many benefits can be gained from this trend/policy, some people firmly believe that its disadvantages should not be ignored. From my perspective, the pros of free communal transportation outweigh the cons.
Câu 1: paraphrase
Câu 2-3: đưa ra quan điểm

Body 1
On the one hand, there are several benefits gained from the trend that when people travel by public means of transport, they should be free.
>> lặp từ gain, lặp từ “trend”, câu trúc câu rườm rà (hạn chế dùng to-be)
>> gợi ý: receive/obtain/gain/attain
People= individuals= travelers= =commuters=movers= citizens
>> On the one hand, travelling by pubic means of transportation at no charge is attractive for several reasons.
Firstly, as we know, today, the society is becoming more and more modern. In almost big cities, people always suffer from traffic congestion at rush hours. Thus, it is necessary for them to go to by public transport. It can be understood that means of transport such as train, busplay as important role in reducing this problems.
>> không dùng “always” và “never” trong academic writing, nên dùng “frequently”
>> không dùng “…” trong academic, sửa lại thành “such as trains and buses”
>> nên kết hợp tạo thành 2 câu ghép/câu phức chứ không để thành 4 câu đơn
>> nên câu 1 trả lời trực tiếp benefits
>> Firstly, in almost big cities, people frequently suffer from traffic congestion at rush hours due to a large number of personal vehicles occupying the road space. When making means of transport such as trains and buses free, travelers tend to be use these mode of transportation instead of their own vehicles, which reduce the traffic density and make the travel time shorter.  
Moreover, using public transport often waste more time than traveling by own vehicles. People have a tendency to like going everywhere by their means of transport. Importantly, traffic infrastructure as well as public vehicles make traffic participants feel uncomfortable, exhausted, even scare… because they are often dirty and dense. Evidently, if people have conditions, they will choose their own vehicles. So from my point of views, the government should not charge public transport which encourage their inhabitants to travel by communal transport. Especially, this leads to reduce environmental pollutants.
>> e đang nói về benefits, không nên đề cập drawbacks ở đây
>> reduce= lessen= diminish= lower
>> Gợi ý:
Moreover, free public transport can benefit the environment. When eliminating fares, more and more people are encouraged to commute by buses and trains instead of driving their own cars, leading a lower level of pollution/ environmental pollutants from exhaust emissions and creating cleaner atmosphere to dwell in.
Body 2:
On the other hand, on top of the important advantages of this part, its disadvantages should not be underestimated.
>> hơi rườm rà, “this part” không rõ ràng
Gợi ý:
On the other hand, in my opinion, the disadvantages of free public transportation should not be underestimated.
At first, when all communal means of transport are fee, where to pay for employees?
>> không dùng “at first” trong academic, dùng “first/firstly”
>> không dùng câu hỏi trong academic
They also need money to looking after their family as well as themselves. Obviously, this problem put pressure on the government. But they have to invest a huge number of time and money in solving a lot of things. They cannot afford to pay a large amount of money for this. And they will have trouble in dealing with many issues. Evenly, the can be easily buried in debts. In addition, because of free, many people tend to be not responsible for presering vehicles which they travel by.
>> cần 1 example nào đó cho bài viết
>> Gợi ý
The first reason is that the government is unable to generate enough fund|sufficient revenue, which is used not only to pay salaries for bus drivers but also to maintain the transportation infrastructure. In addition, making public transportation at no cost could gradually lead to a lower service quality because of improper attitudes of various commuters. For example, some travelers conversing/communicating loudly with each other in the buses can cause annoyance for others.

Conclusion
All in all, from that has been discussed above, there are both benefits and drawbacks of this trend. Its disadvantages should be well taken into account. Furthermore, governments should take advantage of pros and minimize the cons this trend.
>> In conclusion, from reasons mentioned above, I am of the opinion that there are more advantages than disadvantages to free public transport.
Revised essays
 In recent times, allowing public means of transport free of charge have attracted the general public attention. While many benefits can be gained from this trend/policy, some people firmly believe that its disadvantages should not be ignored. From my perspective, the pros of free communal transportation outweigh the cons.
On the one hand, travelling by pubic means of transportation at no charge is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, in almost big cities, people frequently suffer from traffic congestion at rush hours due to a large number of personal vehicles occupying the road space. By making means of transport such as trains and buses free, travelers tend to be use these mode of transportation instead of their own vehicles, which reduce the traffic density and make the travel time shorter.  Moreover, free public transport can benefit the environment. When eliminating fares, more and more people are encouraged to commute by buses and trains instead of driving their own cars, leading a lower level of pollution/ environmental pollutants from exhaust emissions and creating cleaner atmosphere to dwell in.
On the other hand, in my opinion, the disadvantages of free public transportation should not be underestimated. The first reason is that the government is unable to generate enough fund|sufficient revenue, which is used not only to pay salaries for bus drivers but also to maintain the transportation infrastructure. In addition, making public transportation at no cost could gradually lead to a lower service quality because of improper attitudes of various commuters. For example, some travelers conversing/communicating loudly with each other in the buses can cause annoyance for others.
In conclusion, from reasons mentioned above, I am of the opinion that there are more advantages than disadvantages to free public transport.
(287 words)

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